Bucket lists & making memories…
This year I’ve been lucky enough to tick 3 items off of my personal bucket list. I think I should start with how this actually came about, I would have ideally spaced them out over the last few years but hey ho…..
In February my wife took me to Iceland for my 40th birthday as a surprise after our planned trip a few years back was cancelled due to Covid, I used a holiday voucher bought for me by friends and family for my 40th to go to Portugal in May with some friends to play golf, and I’ve just returned from a few days in Santorini with some friends to celebrate their 40ths.
Don’t worry, this blog does have a point and it’s not just a poorly disguised brag about my holidays – I recognise that this has already been an unbelievable year that is unlikely to be topped for a while.
All of these trips were amazing. On a personal level they were all on my bucket list of places I wanted to visit and all have been thoroughly enjoyable.
It’s also the first and likely last time I’ve had 3 trips in one year without my kids.
That part is relevant because whenever I travel without them, I tend to do a lot of reflecting. I guess it’s because I have quiet time and space to just be, rather than the million miles an hour of daily life at home. One of the reasons is that I don’t enjoy flying so I’m always pretty worried about flying without them, you know, just in case, and this always makes me think about my time with them and my time more generally.
I talk to a lot of clients and people about travelling and holidays. It’s one way to spend money, create memories and spend time with family in one go. Add in seeing the wonderful sights this world has to offer and it ticks a lot of boxes for those with disposable income or excess capital.
These trips should be designed to create and maximise memories that last a lifetime. This is a nice aim for a holiday (without heaping on too much pressure). Except when I think back on some of the trips I took years ago I can remember them, but not the detail. I can remember bits of them and I have pictures to jog those memories, but it made me think…... How can I make memories last longer? How can I take in more of those details. Do I need to?
This lead me to wonder whether these trips are supposed to be memories for life? Do I need to remember all the details? Or are these times where I need to be fully present and connected with the now. Doing stuff to remember it later seems like a fairly rational thought but really being in now will allow those feelings, the experience of it all to be the memory.
I then begin to think of my childhood, and the holidays I had with my family and more so my dad before he passed. I can’t say I remember any one in particular but I remember them all generally. I remember the feelings of being away with my sisters, with my cousins, my auntie, uncle, mum and dad. My grandparents were there when we were young too. We played lots of football, we did lots of watersports, my dad loved to windsurf and build elaborate sandcastles, my mum would take food from the buffet in the mornings to make us lunch!! I remember the fun, the laughs and sense of freedom. Does it matter that I can’t remember the details?
So, looking back on holidays having turned 40 and with 3 children of my own – it’s not the details in the memories that matter– it’s the feelings. My kids don’t remember some of the trips we’ve taken already but hopefully they’ll have the overall memories of holidays, of summer nights staying up late, of getting their hair braided on the beach, of waterparks and eating out and spending quality time as a family.
It's this thought that gives me some comfort when I forget the details. No one specific thing is going to be a memory. As Maya Angelou said - “At the end of the day people won't remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.”
I think this is relevant for all our interactions whether it’s with kids, or adults, or how we liaise with our clients, or our staff. People tend to remember feelings above anything else, so focus on the moment.
But, if you’re anything like my wife, there’s no harm in taking a few photos and videos (and boomerangs and selfies) to help jog the memories of those moments later down the line…