Engaging People Pod - Dan Piler - 10th Oct 2019

Sam Sloma:
Hello, hello, hello, welcome to another episode of the Engaging People podcast.
I am your host, Sam Sloma. As always, thank you for listening. We appreciate
your comments, feedback, and suggestions. Today we're taking one of them on
board. I've had a few people come back to me, over recent months, and say
they'd really like to do a deep dive into the guests, and hear a bit more about
them, and what they do. So, I've invited one of my previous guests back onto
the podcast. His name Dan Piler. He's a life coach and a business coach, and a
friend of mine.

Really, we talk in depth about what life coaches do, how they help, how easy it
is to get in contact with them, or him, and yeah, hopefully it's going to be a
different podcast. It's not an interview about his business, but it's an
interview about what he does. The point is to try and stimulate some thought
process for people, maybe a change of perception for you. Or, if you're ever in
need, and think you want to bend someone's ear, you've got a contact that you
can use, or someone that you can understand a little bit better. You have a bit
more detail from them.
All the details are at the end, and in the show notes. For now, here is my
episode with Life Coach Dan Piler.

So, as per the intro, I'm back with one of the most popular episodes so far,
Daniel Piler. Coach, life coach, business coach, general all-round good guy.
Welcome back to the podcast.

Dan Piler:
That's an amazing introduction, thank you. Good to be back.

Sam Sloma:
How are you doing?

Dan Piler:
I'm very well, thank you. How are you?

Sam Sloma:
Yeah, I'm good, I'm good. I'm really looking forward to today's episode. We are
going to take a bit more of a deeper dive into what you do, into how you do it,
and really dig into the weeds of coaching, and some of the benefits it
provides, some of the areas that people might not know exist, and see if
there's any value for the people that are listening. Obviously, we've focused
on doing stories, and people telling about the businesses they run, why they do
it, and what they do, but we're going to go into a little bit of the how today.

Dan Piler:
Excellent. Sounds good.

Sam Sloma:
Cool. First things first, when we initially spoke about this concept and
starting to build out the thought process around how we give listeners value,
and how we build into a little bit more detail, one of the things you brought
up was there's a perception of coaches, and some barriers to entry for people.
You want to see about changing that.

Just give us an idea, in your head, about what some of the barriers you've
seen, and how you intend to break those barriers down for communication, and
people coming to you or another coach?

Dan Piler:
Sure. Well, the first thing is, funny enough, communication is one of the big
topics that I find people struggle with, so it's not a surprise that the difficulty
they might have originally engaging in someone like myself would be a challenge
for them. I'd love to see the barriers come down to people's awareness and
understanding of engaging in talking to people, and expressing themselves.

I often have clients that by the time they've come sit in with me, they've not
had a conversation, let alone with a professional, or even with a family member
or a friend. There's a hell of a lot of stuff that is bottled up. It could be
on a professional level, it could be on a personal level, but stuff that they
would have been a lot better off, even on an informal way, to have expressed.

I'm looking at encouraging people to talk. I work in a very collaborative way,
I'm not a doctor who prescribes a pill and makes everything better. I'm a team
player, who work with somebody, we collaborate on the goals that they are
looking to achieve. The first goal is often coming to actually approach someone
like me. I'm interested in people understanding, and embracing the idea that
you can ask questions, get a bit more information, and perhaps just expand your
understanding of the sort of people that are in the industry, and that can help
you.

Sam Sloma:
Okay. How do you see that barrier coming down? How do you, practically, go
about making it easier for people to feel comfortable in picking up the phone,
or sending an email, and the first step? What does that look like?

Dan Piler:
Well, in a practical way, for me, I personally offer something that maybe other
practitioners don't offer, which is, I encourage people to pick up the phone,
to contact me, to have a conversation, without any obligation to become my
client, to have to pay anything. It's a risk-free experience, if you like.

There's still a personal barrier to overcome, sometimes, and until I've
actually engaged with somebody, it's very difficult to do that. What I do find
is that, once I've had the opportunity to sit down with somebody in person, or
on the phone, it's very quickly they find that the confidence develops, and
they have an element of comfort in being able to talk to me. I think once
you've broken that down, then be possibilities are limitless as to where you
can get to.

Sam Sloma:
Okay. Yeah, if we think back to a year ago, or 18 months ago, when I picked up
the phone. I was having an issue, personal issue, that I just wanted to talk
through with someone external. I'm actually an okay communicator. I speak to my
wife quite regularly, I speak to the people in the business quite regularly,
but sometimes I think it's just good to sit down and speak with someone
external, who can give you a fresh point of view. They don't know, necessarily,
the situation that's going on, or they don't know anything about you, but they
just give you some views that are non-partisan. I'm not sure if that's the
right phrase. Just -

Dan Piler:
Yeah.

Sam Sloma:
- fair and unbiased, I guess.

Dan Piler:
Yeah. Talking about having a biased point of view sounds a bit loaded, but we
all have a bias. We all have our years of experience, which builds into a
filter system that we have neurologically. So, when we interpret data, when we
process data that's coming in, flooding in, all the time through our senses, we
filter it due to the biases that we've developed over the years. That is our
mental process. That's how the brain works. It's natural that we're going to
have those bias. Yeah, it makes a huge different to have somebody who doesn't
have that awareness of who you are, where you've come from, and, perhaps, what
has fed into the place that you're at now.

Having somebody to be completely removed from that has a huge benefit. They're
able to ask you questions that allow you to look at things from a slightly
different perspective. It can be the same thing, but looking at it from this
side, and turning your head around looking at it from that side, immediately
creates a different viewpoint.

Sam Sloma:
Yeah. So, there's two things that you've spoken about that I want to go to. One
is the process for someone picking up the phone, and how it actually works. B
is some of the ways you communicate things to people, without, obviously,
giving all the tricks away. It's hard to do that, but I suppose going into the
detail of some of the way you frame stuff differently, some of the emotional
... I don't want to say baggage, that's the wrong word. Just the emotional
things that people are going through in their own head, and how it can be
changed.

So, if we start with the process, how does it work? Talk to us about the
initial stage of conversation? Then, how does it go to becoming a client?
What's the usual process from there, if there is a usual one?

Dan Piler:
Well, generally, somebody has to come to me. The first and most important
aspect of anyone becoming a client is that they need to want to.

Sam Sloma:
Yeah.

Dan Piler:
There's a couple of ways in which people show their commitment to the process.

One, is by showing a value by paying money. That's a very important part of the
process. The other thing is the commitment to time, and energy. That can
involve me setting them little tasks in between sessions, and seeing how
efficient they are, and how ready they are to do that.

If somebody isn't, A, committed to some sort of change, and B, isn't ready to
listen and take some element of instructions, and essentially think
differently, then it's not going to work. I have had clients who are intent on
telling me how I need to help them. Ultimately, that won't work.

Sam Sloma:
Yeah.

Dan Piler:
If, in the period of time, that I make the efforts to alter that perspective
for them, and open their mind to what I want to be doing with them, and how I
see their way forward, if they can't do that, then we tend to find that's one
of the few times that it doesn't work.

Sam Sloma:
Yeah.

Dan Piler:
It ultimately is down to the client. As I said before, I don't have a magic
pill to offer anyone. We all have, and this is an important thing for everyone
to remember, we all have the resources within us to find a solution to the
problems that we face, that we bring upon ourselves.

Sam Sloma:
That's an interesting part of the conversation, here. It kind of moves us on to
the next stage of the conversation. Just talk to us about that, in how you see
that? Everyone has the tools within them to deal with whatever situation that
they're facing. Can you elaborate on that at all?

Dan Piler:
Yes. As we talked about before, the filters that we effectively generate over
our lives is dictated to by the experiences that we have. But, these filters
can cloud the ability to see ourselves for who we are, and what we can achieve.
So, it can range from anything, any small issues to much larger, personal or
macro issues, in terms of the global. Ultimately, they're getting in the way,
they're clouding our ability to perform effectively, and in our natural state.

My job, really, is to ask the questions that allow you to view things, and to
see things from a more beneficial, or more productive place. That, sometimes,
is a very simple case that could be done, verbally, within conversation in a
very short space of time. Other times, there's a lot more limiting belief,
limiting decisions, issues that have, perhaps, habitually come up over a number
of years, and created a pattern that is more difficult to shift. That might
take a bit longer.

Ultimately, it's about shifting those long-held beliefs that tell you can't do
something, when in reality, you can.

Sam Sloma:
Yeah, interesting. It must be a challenge to overcome, when someone new comes
in with a new set of beliefs. It much always be a challenge to try and change
the perception of long-held beliefs, I would imagine?

Dan Piler:
Yes. As I said, sometimes a simple question can change that. Language we use
gives a real insight as to what we are thinking, unconsciously.

Sam Sloma:
So, can you give us an example of that?

Dan Piler:
Yeah. You'll hear it all the time, negative language. I can't do something,
this always happens to me. Now, I could tell you 100% of the time, let alone
99%, that is not true. It's funny that I'm using that as what we call a
language violation, but saying always is almost always likely to be wrong.

Sam Sloma:
Yeah.

Dan Piler:
Saying you can't do something is also unlikely to be correct. But, if you tell
yourself that, then it proves to be the case.

Henry Ford had a wonderful quote, once, which I love. "Whether you think
you can, or you think you can't, you're right."

Sam Sloma:
Yeah.

Dan Piler:
That, in essence, is what our mind is all about. If we continually tell
ourselves that we can't do something, or it's impossible, or the world is a
terrible place, then that is our reality. That's maybe something that we'll go
onto later, but the concept of what we focus on, and what our belief structure
is, that dictates that our reality is, and we all have a different reality.
Without getting too deep and meaningful, we all have a different perception of
what is real. That is purely dictated by our focus.

Sam Sloma:
Yeah. It sounds to me like there are some issues that will be one, two, three,
four sessions. It's someone's in that mindset of, they know something's wrong,
but they just need a different point of view to help find that issue, and help
talk through it. Some people need ongoing, continual, reaffirmation of that
change to continually push their mind to where they want to get to.

Dan Piler:
My goal with every client si for them to walk away and be standing on their own
two feet. To be resilient, to be productive, to be effective as an individual
person, as a human being, and whatever form they were looking to change.
There's always going to be a personal aspect, a business aspect, and an
emotional aspect that is effective. My goal is for them not to need me. It's
not a great business model, but the object is for them to walk away and not
need me anymore.

The reality is that it's always useful to have someone to bounce ideas off of,
anyway. So, what often happens is that once we've got the bulk of work out of
the way, and they are on the path they were looking to get onto, and they've
achieved the goals they were looking to by coming to me, we might still have a
session every now and then, every couple of months, maybe, or even less. I do
encourage that continuation of the communication, even if it's not as a
professional contract. I still encourage people to come back to me, and tell me
how they're doing, what's going on, and just a general keeping up with the
information of their progress.

Sam Sloma:
Yeah. Do you find that people speak to you differently now that they know that
you're a life coach, now that they know your background?

Dan Piler:
Yes.

Sam Sloma:
Okay. Are people guarded around what they say, in case they think you're
interpreting it some way?

Dan Piler:
No, I think it's probably the opposite, actually. I have found that people
often will, in a social situation, might grab me in a quiet moment and just
have a little chat with me, and say, "I've been thinking of having a talk
with someone. Any chance you could give me five minutes of your time?"

No, I don't think ... I certainly have that negative. That's quite interesting
that you say that, though. Maybe I've not been noticing it.

Sam Sloma:
No, I don't mean a negative. What I mean is, sometimes I get the impression, in
my perspective, they might not speak to me about money. I just get the sense
they're brushing around something because they think I might be judging, or
something along those lines. I've got to be careful of my language, here. I
forget.

Dan Piler:
Maybe, as I said, maybe I'm not noticing it. Maybe people are avoiding me, now
you mention it.

Sam Sloma:
Yeah.

Dan Piler:
It has been a bit quiet lately.

No, possibly people who have had conversations with me will understand I have
an awareness of language, I listen differently to other people, probably. I'm
trained now to listen, I have a different ear to conversations. So, people who
are aware of that, perhaps might be wary of how they speak.

Sam Sloma:
Obviously, I'm not.

Dan Piler:
Yeah. Well, it's more about being concerned to expose a negative way of
thinking that they might be ... I want to be careful what I say.

Sam Sloma:
Yeah.

Dan Piler:
Make sure I don't say, I can't do that, or that never happens, the sort of
words that I was using before. Maybe, some people have that, once they're used
to chatting to me and they know about how my listening ear is. No, I think if
anything, people are more keen to engage in a conversation.

Also, I'd like to think that I'm quite good at conversing with people now. I'm
aware of how to build rapport, how to create relationship. My ability to
converse with somebody is, hopefully, fairly tuned now.

Sam Sloma:
Good. Okay, yeah. It's interesting to hear that. I don't know if we said this
before, but I'm a natural skeptic. I'm skeptic of everything.

Dan Piler:
Everything?

Sam Sloma:
Yeah. Most things. There you go, you can pick me up on these all day. Actually,
language is something I could definitely improve on. Often, I think my head is
in the right place, but maybe I'm saying something in a manner that could be
better, should we say. Anyway, that's something we can go on to.

Another element where, I think, you've got something that's really interesting,
is your understanding of sleep, and how important it is.

Dan Piler:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Sam Sloma:
Can you tell us a bit about sleep, and a bit of your knowledge, and share a bit
of wisdom with the guys who are listening? Guys, girls. That was a gender
neutral.

Dan Piler:
Gender neutral guys.

Sam Sloma:
Yeah.

Dan Piler:
You've got to be careful, nowadays.

Sam Sloma:
That's just it. For people listening.

Dan Piler:
Yeah, it's certainly a topic that comes up a lot, crops up a lot with me and my
clients. I think, probably, for the first time, it's certainly coming into the
public awareness more, that sleep is important. It's probably equally as
important as regular exercise, and a healthy diet, and it's an area that,
maybe, is slightly misunderstood as well. It's not necessarily about the hours
that you get in, it's the quality of sleep that you get in.

There's not a set amount that we all need, everyone needs different, but there
is a level of sleep that if you're not getting ... In fact, I posted something
recently. I was quite disturbed by a clip of an American presenter. Steve
Harvey, I think maybe his name is? He was telling the audience that rich people
don't sleep eight hours a day, eight hours a night. If you want to be rich, if
you're still asleep at seven o'clock in the morning, wealthy people are up
making money by five o'clock, and you've missed two hours of the day already.

It's a very damaging message to send out, I think, because it was ... In the
right hands, I could understand how it could be motivational, but the great
majority of people don't necessarily have the access to the form of work that
getting up two hours earlier is even going to help them. To have this mindset
that, don't sleep because it's bad for you if you want to be rich. I think Elon
Musk, and maybe ... What's his name, Facebook? Mark -

Sam Sloma:
Mark Zuckerberg.

Dan Piler:
Zuckerberg. Both were publicly out there saying that they sleep plenty, at
least eight hours. I think Warren Buffet was the other one.

Sam Sloma:
Yeah, Warren Buffet sleeps a lot.

Dan Piler:
Yeah. It's damaging to put that idea into people's heads, that sleep is ...
You've got to be up, and you've got to be doing something. This idea of being
busy for the sake of it, I think, is one of the most miscommunicated ideas of
being productive than anything else. To get regular, six hours plus sleep a
night, where you've allowed yourself a period of time before you go to bed to
switch off, and you've had good, quality restorative sleep, it's a bit like
charging your batteries. You know, when you're asleep, it's the time that your
body heals, it recovers, it restores itself. The tissues repair, cells
regenerate, your immune system strengthens.

It's no coincidence that when you're tired, when you've had a lack of sleep,
you tend to feel ill, or get ill very quickly. It's because your reserves are
low. It's important that we all understand, and embrace the idea that sleep is
important. There's only so much you need to do in one day.

I think if there was one piece of advice I've given, and there's lots out there
that's very general, and it's very simple, and it's very effective, but it's to
develop a routine. Develop a routine where, at some point at the end of the
evening, before you go to bed, you have a good period of time, whether it's a
half an hour, an hour, or even more if you can, where you switch your devices
off. Ideally, you don't look at your screen, you don't answer emails, even
What's Apps. We're on information overload at the moment.

The world is a place now, where we've got these devices in our pockets, which
give us information at the touch of a button. It's not just work, its personal
emails, personal What's Apps, messages, you know, Internet surfing. Finding
yourself on social media, suddenly five minutes turns into half an hour.

Sam Sloma:
Yeah.

Dan Piler:
It's a constant barrage of different information, little snippets of
information. You can imagine the overload.

If we don't allow ourselves the opportunity to break off from that, and
effectively bring our brainwave functioning down a couple of pegs, then it's a
bit like running a marathon, or sprinting down a road when your heart's
pounding. Then, walking in through the door, trying to jump into bed and go
straight to sleep. It's just not going to happen, because your systems are
going 100 miles and hour and you're just saying, right, put the brakes on.
Stop. That's not how the brain works.

It's important to find a bridge, if you like, from the day's activities, to
this is the time to relax. There's certain triggers, which mentally,
neurologically, we recognize as time for sleep, which is why it's difficult if
you're a night shift worker to sleep during the day. The brain doesn't
recognize light as being the time to sleep.

Sam Sloma:
Yeah.

Dan Piler:
It's about even the light that we allow ourselves to be exposed to, the noises
that we allow ourselves to be exposed to, the information that we're taking on.
If we can find the time and the discipline to do that regularly, and create a
routine out of it, then you'll find very quickly your sleeping habits will
start to change. You'll feel different for it when you wake up in the morning,
energetically.

Sam Sloma:
Okay. So, things like keeping a very dark room, if possible. Things like, a
routine every night of taking things slowly, or moving away from TV, or phones,
or whatever, for a period of time, and starting to get ... Anything else? The
temperature, the room's not to be too hot, I think I read?

Dan Piler:
Yeah.

Sam Sloma:
Or too cold?

Dan Piler:
I think if you were to Google, search sleep tips, I think you'll find a similar
-

Sam Sloma:
Pattern.

Dan Piler:
- pattern of information.

Sam Sloma:
Yeah.

Dan Piler:
I think we'll all find there's certain things that work better for us than
others. The most important thing is that we don't assume that I just can't
sleep. It's just me. I work, as you know, I worked for 20 odd years in the
financial world. I was getting up a five o'clock every day, and going into the
city. Even from when I was a kid, I used to get up early. My brother used to
sleep in until afternoon on a Saturday if he wanted to, I was always up early,
watching kid's TV. I assumed, as I was growing up, that was just me.

Until I understood a little bit more, and went through my own process of
personal development, understood more about the brain and how we work, very
quickly I was realizing, God, all this time, I've been depriving myself of
sleep, thinking I'm okay with it. I wasn't.

Dan Piler:
Just an understanding, and embracing the idea that we can do things
differently, that we don't have to ... We've haven't been giving the chalice of
being a bad sleeper, we can change that.

Sam Sloma:
Okay. That's a good point to dive into. How did you change that? I think, as a
practical lesson, how did you change from being someone who got up early to
someone who had the ability to be able to sleep more?

Dan Piler:
Yeah.

Sam Sloma:
How did you go through that process? What happened?

Dan Piler:
Well, the first factor, which I can't ignore, is the fact that I left the
markets. The markets, when I left them, one of the reasons I left them is
because they became a 24-hour business. I was always switched onto them. I used
to go to sleep, close my eyes, and the digits, the numbers, the screens would
be imprinted on the inside of my eyelids. I think I mentally never left it,
which means I'm not switched off.

Now, even just by putting that to bed, putting that book behind me, there was
an element of distraction mentally, which I didn't have. Added to that was my
increased understanding of how the mind works and I had the benefit of work
with a sleep [inaudible 00:27:19], a neuro-acoustic software called [Nucalm
00:27:22], which accelerated the process for me.

So, I had a number of different ways in which I was affected, but very quickly,
I realized I went from sleeping five hours a night or less, to eight hours. It
was a very quick transformation, because I was open to it. Because I embraced
the idea, and because I was able to understand that it was important to give my
brain a rest at night.

Sam Sloma:
Yeah. That Nucalm, N-U-C-A-L-M, for anyone who wants to read up on it a little
bit more, do you have any info on those guys? I think they were bringing out a
product for the retail market?

Dan Piler:
Yeah.

Sam Sloma:
Has that happened?

Dan Piler:
Yeah, that hasn't happened yet. I'm not sure that's going to happen.

Sam Sloma:
That's a shame.

Dan Piler:
In essence, like many things nowadays, it does the job very efficiently, very
effectively, and very quickly. It's not something that we can't do ourselves.

Sam Sloma:
It's just a helper.

Dan Piler:
It's a helper. You know, that involves either buying a system, which is fairly
costly, or going to use [inaudible 00:28:30]. I still have it, and I utilize it
with my clients when it's appropriate, when they want it. I use it for myself
and my family, but it's not something I use every day anymore. It's something
that you can use every day, but it's like a shortcut to doing what I'm talking
about, with using your mind in a different way.

I think it's about ... To simplify it, it's about looking after and, sort of,
cherishing and nourishing something that's important to you. This feeds into
the concept that I work on with all my clients, is understanding that we have
an incredibly powerful machine in our heads. Valuable, priceless. With all the
technology that's around, with Apple, and with NASA producing more and more
crazy technology, they can't replicate the human mind. They cannot replicate
the complexities of the human brain. We all have that, it's a gift in our
heads. We just don't spend the time to understand it, and maximize.

I guess that's something that is a real passion of mine, is helping people just
embrace the idea that there is something there that they can use, and they just
need to look after it, and work with it.

Sam Sloma:
Nice! Good, okay. Cool. Two quite big topics.

Dan Piler:
Yes.

Sam Sloma:
One's sleep, and the other is communication, and how to approach a little bit
more of a deep dive into what you do. Is there anything else that you want to
discuss, while you're here? Or, you want to talk about that you think would be
helpful, or impactful to the people that listen?

Dan Piler:
Well, it would be nice to, I guess, give the listeners a takeaway, something of
value. A concept that I like to introduce with my clients quite early on, which
helps when you're talking about changing mindsets, and reframing how we're
thinking, this is quite a powerful and very simple concept.

It's what we call cause and effect, understanding the cause effect equation. By
that we mean, cause is greater than effect. The majority of people,
particularly in this day and age, life on the effect side of the equation,
which means placing responsibility outside of themselves. It's a bit like what
we were talking about a bit before, he made me angry, she's upset me, because
of that, I've not done my job very well, I've not had a good day today. I'm
blaming somebody ourself of yourself. In that way, we feel that we're giving
away the blame, and taking the blame away from ourselves, but what we're
actually doing is giving up the power over our own thoughts, feelings, and
actions.

I like to encourage people to think about being responsible for all that happens
to you, and within you. And, to think about any situation that, perhaps, arises
where, maybe, as I said before, your boss is being rude to you. Because of
that, you blame him for making you angry, and you being in a bad mood, and you
not doing a good day's work, and everything falls to pieces. To ask yourself,
for what reason did I choose to create this situation? To work on understanding
if I did something differently, how would that change the outcome?

In that way, we take responsibility for what happens to us. We can't control
what goes on outside of us, and we can't control what other people say, or what
other people do, but we can control our response to that. So, it's the idea of
being a cause for all that happens to you, and with you. In that way, it
creates an empowerment, it gives you personal power back over what you're
thinking, over this wonderful machine you've got in your head. Ultimately, when
you have the power, the control over what you think, that affects how you feel and,
ultimately, how you behave.

So, it's the key to empowerment. It's a very simple concept, but it's about
taking responsibility for everything that happens to you.

Sam Sloma:
So, in that example where someone's boss had been annoying them, they ended up
having a bad day, and didn't get any work done. To use that example, you're
saying that ... I agree, because, obviously, I like it.

Dan Piler:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Sam Sloma:
Well, not obviously I like it, but I like it. That, they get to choose ...
Their boss is angry at them, or is being annoying, or whatever, but they get to
choose how they feel about how their boss is being.

Dan Piler:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Sam Sloma:
And they get to choose how they are affected by that. So, they get to choose
how they respond to it, and how they respond and what they do, I suppose
informs how their day's going to be.

Dan Piler:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Sam Sloma:
So, what you're saying is, you can then change your way of doing things to
almost always ... Almost always, see? Language changing. To almost always be in
control of how you see things, and how you feel, is that right? Is that -

Dan Piler:
Yes. Because, if you're boss is -

Sam Sloma:
Annoying.

Dan Piler:
I have to be careful about it.

Sam Sloma:
Is annoying.

Dan Piler:
Yeah, if your boss has been rude or unreasonable, then you can still do your
job and have a good day, despite him, rather than because of him. That's the
difference, you see. When you use a word like because, you create a
justification, a reason, an excuse for something. This has happened, therefore
this has happened because of it. So, what I'm saying is that by understanding
that you can choose, he's done that, there might be something on in his life,
in his day, that's created the reason for him to feel that he needs to behave
like that, that's his issue. The only time it becomes your issue is when you,
then, become impacted by it.

Your choice is to say, well, he's obviously got something going on there. My
choice is now, do I want be angry, or do I want to be productive, and
resourceful, and efficient, and content, happy, fulfilled in my day? That's our
choice. No one else can decide that for you.

Sam Sloma:
Yeah, you know, something's ringing to mind. I get that thought a lot, when I'm
driving.

Dan Piler:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Sam Sloma:
I'm driving behind someone whose driving very slowly, and then they'll
indicate, and they won't turn. I'm getting annoyed. Then, sometimes I'm
driving, I don't know where I'm going, I'm in an area that I don't know, and
I'm driving slowly to check for the roads, and thinking, and indicator. Then, I
think, hold on. When I get annoyed with those people, I don't know where
they're from.

Dan Piler:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Sam Sloma:
I don't know that they know the area. I don't know anything about them. Yet,
I'm getting annoyed at their driving etiquette, or what they're doing. It often
springs back to me, because it happens to me when I'm doing the same thing that
I know annoys me.

Dan Piler:
Yeah.

Sam Sloma:
Something that I always frame myself to say, "I know you're getting
annoyed with these people, but you don't know anything about what they're
doing."

Dan Piler:
No, and it's all appropriate levels, isn't it? There's nothing wrong with
acknowledging something, like, they're driving is really restricting me, it's
annoying me. But, is it going to annoy you to the point where you pull the car
over, get out, and go and bang on their window?

Sam Sloma:
No.

Dan Piler:
Or, is it just going to be a case of, doing what you've just done there, and
having a little laugh? Like, how bad are they? What is going on in their life
that is causing them to drive so badly?

Sam Sloma:
Yeah. It's funny, it kind of depends how my day's been. Some days, if I'm late
to go somewhere that I want to get out the way and they might annoy me only for
a minute.

Dan Piler:
Yeah.

Sam Sloma:
Then, I'll be done with it. Sometimes, if I'm thinking and conscious, I'll laugh,
and be like, "Oh, I've done that before." So, it's not going to annoy
me, it's funny.

Dan Piler:
It does depends, doesn't it? You can, if something else has maybe happened just
before, then it can trigger you to drop into a spiral that can effect you.

Sam Sloma:
Yeah.

Dan Piler:
You can end up going home in a mood.

Sam Sloma:
I know.

Dan Piler:
You see, the point is, and the really important part of the whole thing is, by
taking responsibility, even if it means you are taking the blame for something
that's gone wrong in your day, it gives you the opportunity to learn. Learning
is, again, another one of my real passions. Every day, we can learn something.
We can learn something from babies to older people, from CEOs to the lower end
of the working hierarchy. It doesn't matter who you're with, who you come
across. Even from my dog, I learn from him.

That's the beauty of life, is that if you open your mind to the fact that every
day is a new learning opportunity, then you can always tweak your behavior to
get a better result than you did yesterday. If you take responsibility, you
have the opportunity to do that. If you don't, then you can't. Now, when we
learn, we grow, we evolve, and it's how we, as human beings, we progress. So,
I'm a great believer that by taking that responsibility, and giving ourselves
the opportunity to learn, then that's how we can evolve as human beings.

Another great quote was, this guy back even further, Socrates. Not the center
back for Arsenal, but the original Socrates.

Sam Sloma:
Yeah.

Dan Piler:
We don't for sure that he said it, because it was before the Internet. He said,
"True genius lies in knowing that I know nothing." To me, that means
every day, we start again. Every day, we can learn something new. It doesn't
matter who we're talking to, what experiences we're having, there's always
something to learn. Again, that's something I embrace, and I like to, perhaps,
portray to my clients, because it gives us the opportunity to learn, and improve
every day of our lives.

Sam Sloma:
Beautiful. What a good place to end. We're on 38 minutes, so that's a good
level of podcast.

We're going to let you do the closeout. Tell people where they can find you,
tell how they can break down the barriers to contact you, or another coach if
that's what they want. But, just give people some info on where to find you,
and all of that stuff?

Dan Piler:
Sure. I am on some of the social media channels. I'm on Twitter. I'm
particularly on Instagram and Facebook, and LinkedIn. If you search Dan Piler,
you'll find me. My website is DanPiler.com.

I encourage people to contact me, ask me questions. I can guarantee that, A, I
will speak to you. If I can't speak to you initially, I will always call you
back. It's a no obligation, no risk experience for you, where you can have a
chat. I would explain, help you understand a little bit more about how it
works, and how it can benefit you. I'd love to break the cloud above the
industry, and give a bit more clarity, maybe, to people understanding how easy
it is, and how easy it can be, to speak to somebody, and to get useful,
resourceful, assistance.

Sam Sloma:
Awesome. Thank you so much. Dan Piler, the website and email will in the show
notes. Again, thank you so much for your wisdom in insight. We got a good
overview, without going too deep, but definitely getting more info into what
you do, and how you do it. So, thank you so much. See you again soon.

Dan Piler:
It's been a great pleasure. Thank you for having me again.

Sam Sloma:
Cheers.

So, that was my deep dive with life coach, business coach, and good friend of
mine, Dan Piler. As he said, you can find him on all the channels at Dan Piler.
DanPiler_LifeCoach on Instagram. Dan.Piler.Coach on Facebook. You can find him
on LinkedIn, you can find him on the usuals, Twitter. Yeah, reach out. His
email is Dan@DanPiler.com, and the website is DanPiler.com. Yeah, not
necessarily trying to push Dan at all, but it's someone I've used, and I've
obviously recommended. You get a good feel from that interview of what he's
about, and how he can help maybe change your perception a little bit.

You know, I always quote Sophie Eden, whose podcast we did a few months back,
and "You can't be what you can't see." Really, the mind is a powerful
tool to be able to help you in any situation. We've all got one, so if you can
utilize it to it's best powers, or make the most of it, obviously, it's going
to benefit you.

I hope you enjoyed. Any feedback from that, please do get in touch. Email is
Sam@EngageFS.co.uk, or Hello@EngageFS.co.uk.